


i've been looking (and dreaming) and falling (and feeling)

by malignance



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, towards the end at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:40:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22475773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malignance/pseuds/malignance
Summary: Stiles had figured once the nogitsune was gone, his interest in Kira would disappear too.(It didn't.)
Relationships: Nogitsune/Kira Yukimura - briefly, Stiles Stilinski/Kira Yukimura
Comments: 3
Kudos: 85





	i've been looking (and dreaming) and falling (and feeling)

Stiles isn't Stiles anymore, and it all feels just like a giant horrible acid trip.

(Stiles hasn't actually done acid before, so he wouldn't really know. But the comparison felt appropriate.)

He watches, horrified, as _his_ body does things to _his_ friends that make him actually want to throw up.

(He can't though, because his body isn't his anymore.)

And then, as if things couldn't get any worse, the nogitsune develops some weird kind of interest in Kira, and Stiles thinks that she really, _really_ doesn't deserve that.

"Foxes should run with their own kind, don't you think?" Nogitsune Stiles whispers, and Kira scrunches up her face like she's terrified and kind of disgusted at the same time.

(Stiles doesn't blame her, but is also mildly offended because it's _his_ face saying those things to her and could she look a little _less_ like she'd rather die, please?)

Nogitsune Stiles doesn't need Kira's help, not really, he's doing enough damage on his own.

Stiles had wondered why the nogitsune had even bothered acting gross and doing his own version of flirting whenever Kira was around, but then she did that thing she does with her katana and her eyes lit up in orange for a brief moment, and the nogitsune's heart had lurched in want and Stiles thought he could maybe kind of understand.

(He's looking at Kira jumping and swinging her sword and he like, _really gets it._ )

The nogitsune didn't like wanting Kira, it was obvious. But it was like there was this instinctual kind of _need_ programmed into him, whenever another fox was near. So, whenever Kira was there, with her katana and orange eyes, Nogitsune Stiles would try his best to convince Kira to switch sides, to work with him instead of against him. 

"I could teach you how to unlock all that potential, unleash all that power. You are a kitsune, Kira, do you truly know what that means?"

Kira had looked affronted, but conflicted all the same. Her mother had kept things from her, and when pressed only seemed to let go of the bare minimum amount of information. There had been this anxiety settled somewhere in her for the past week, this confusion and haunting sense of emptiness, and she just wanted to _know,_ she just wanted to figure it all out. Her mother was stubborn though, and refused to answer any of her questions, and Kira was getting so tired and frustrated.

Scott spoke before she could even open her mouth.

"She doesn't need any help. Not from you."

And that was that.

(Stiles doesn't really blame Kira for being tempted, not when she was so clueless and unsure of herself, and there was someone finally actually offering her the knowledge of her own abilities. He was also grateful she hadn't given in though, because he's pretty sure corrupting a friend to the dark side and giving the notgitsune an ally that he could turn into a weapon was probably all kinds of messed up.)

Nogitsune Stiles had plans, and seemed to be pulling all of them off almost flawlessly. If Stiles had thought the nogitsune's interest in Kira would perhaps deter his plans a little, he thought wrong.

Despite the fact that the nogitsune had time to talk to and attempt to coax Kira into becoming his partner/pet/weapon, all his plans were still going off without a hitch. His interest in Kira seemed to be adding to the chaos, actually, and Stiles had wondered briefly if that was part of his plan too, because whenever they were in the same room and the nogitsune was spouting off the same speech of "Join me and you can be strong." all it did was make everybody angry and uncomfortable.

But it was clear the last thing the nogitsune actually wanted was to earn Kira's affections, because the moment she's not in his sights he gets filled with this overwhelming frustration, like he had no idea why he was acting the way he was.

(It made Stiles a little happy, to see that there were some things the nogitsune wasn't immune to, and the fact that it was driving him crazy only made Stiles enjoy it all the more.)

Then, just when Stiles was actually beginning to lose any and all hope that he'd ever get out of his own damn mind, the nogitsune kind of just, vomits him out.

"Well, that was disgusting." He says, and Scott just laughs the way he does when he's half exasperated with him, and Stiles thinks _thank god._

He's so relieved he actually has his own body back, that he barely even reacts when everyone notices the other version of him had ran out the door. Then he realises Lydia's missing too and his heart clenches tight, against his will.

(For a moment he had been glad that at least his heart was working at all.)

*

They kill him. Kira kills him.

(Stiles thinks it's kind of ironic. Karma. He laughs when the nogitsune version of himself turns to dust at the contact of Kira's blade.)

He starts going to classes and actually listening to what the teachers are saying again.

He'd half thought that things were just going to go back to the way they were before, exactly the same, at least until the next emergency struck.

(Except things are not the same at all. Allison is in the hospital, recovering from an almost fatal stab wound, and every other night Stiles wakes up from a nightmare where the stab wound had been an inch to the left and she'd bled out on the concrete and _died._ That, he figured, probably meant things were not as normal as he wanted them to be.)

Kira hovers, awkward and distanced, unsure of where she fits now and what she should do. She'd been the closest to Scott, but Scott was now at the hospital almost every day, visiting Allison, and Kira was obviously kind of just floundering. Stiles would sometimes think about talking to her, do something to erase that pinched and slightly pained look on her face, but every time he thought about it he'd stop himself before he could approach her.

(Stiles had figured once the nogitsune was gone, his interest in Kira would disappear too.

It didn't.)

"Wait, what's the problem here?" Lydia asks, already done and completely over Stiles and his very appropriate break down.

"It's just-" He huffs, stops for a moment, then starts to pace again, "the nogitsune was interested in her, right? Like, kind of wanted to get in her pants in a super weird and twisted way. So I thought that once he was dead, that feeling would just go away. But- but- it's _still there._ It's not so creepy and gross anymore but every time I see her I still get really sweaty and like, like I was with you, remember?"

Lydia rolls her eyes, and Stiles really kind of wants to just scream. "Yeah, so? You have a crush, it's not the end of the world, Stiles."

"But I don't know for sure if it's me and not just the nogitsune, and I think she deserves a little bit better than just the lingering effects of a possession, right?"

Lydia just stares at him, like he was making this way too complicated. Stiles thinks she might be right, but some days he still expects to wake up only to find himself still dreaming, so he's pretty sure even if it was actually him that was into Kira, that she would probably do better with someone who was less broken, less fucked up, less... _Stiles._

"I think you've always liked her, and it just took getting possessed by the nogitsune for you to realise because you're an idiot."

Stiles gapes at her. She, in turn, scoffs and goes back to flipping through her biology textbook.

(Crushes had already been bad when he was just awkward and uncoordinated, without having to throw in the fact that he was freshly possessed by an evil fox spirit.)

Malia starts going to school, and Stiles is just confused. Acknowledging that he might actually have feelings for Kira was one thing, but now that Malia was there and in their space and trying to kiss him more often than not, it was seriously throwing him for a loop.

"You kissed me before. What's different now?" Malia asks suddenly, and Stiles chokes on a french fry mid chew.

Scott's looking at him kind of expectantly, as if he was wondering the same thing. Lydia's trying not to laugh. And Kira mostly just looks confused, if not a little embarrassed for him too.

"I, uh, just don't feel like it?"

Malia doesn't buy it. "I don't believe you." And she says as much.

Scott makes some vague excuse to leave at this point, and drags Lydia and Kira away with him, leaving Stiles to have this conversation with Malia alone.

It's probably for the best, but he also kind of wishes he had some kind of back up here.

"Sorry, but I- well- I think I might like someone else. I mean, you were great, _are_ great, but then I kind of realised I've been into someone else for a while and so I can't really keep like, kissing you anymore."

He thinks for a moment that she might be angry at him, might kick his ass. But all she does is nod sharply, and turn back to her lunch. Stiles kind of just deflates into himself, and knows now that there's no going back. He'd said it out loud. No take backs.

*

(He gets Kira's phone number from Lydia, and stares at her contact in his phone for a good two days until he actually does anything about it.)

 **stiles:** hey it's stiles

 **kira:** hey!

 **stiles:** can i ask you a weird and possibly uncomfortable question

 **kira:** um. sure?

 **stiles:** when you see my face do you see the nogitsune

(He'd meant to ask her on a date. This wasn't going well at all.)

 **kira:** no. you were always stiles before you were the nogitsune.

 **stiles:** okay sorry i didn't mean to just ask that out of nowhere

 **kira:** it's cool! it's probably pretty strange, getting possessed and then unpossessed.

 **stiles:** yep

 **kira:** do you blame me for the fact that my fox fire was basically how the nogitsune took control of you?

 **stiles:** what no of course not

 **kira:** and i don't blame you for the stuff that you did when you were possessed. this is a no blame zone. just so you know.

(Stiles gets kind of choked up when he reads that. He'd been practically running on guilt these last few days, but actually getting confirmation that at least one person didn't hold anything against him has an invisible weight lifting off his chest.)

 **stiles:** no blame zone got it

 **kira:** please make an effort to use punctuation.

 **stiles:** no

 **kira:** :(

 **stiles:** ...

 **kira:** :((((

 **stiles:** okay, fine.

 **kira:** :)

(He wonders if Kira is actually smiling when she sends that, if she's smiling with all her teeth like she does when she's excited and buzzing with energy, or if maybe she's smiling something small and shy like she does when she feels embarrassed, or if she's smiling an entirely new kind of smile that Stiles hasn't seen yet. He kind of wants to see how many more there are, and if he can discover them all.)

*

Stiles can't seem to remember how he was when he used to be madly and hopelessly in love with Lydia.

It had seemed like such a sure thing back then, but then life happened and things sort of spiralled and then he just woke up one day and realised he didn't quite look at her the same way anymore. Things with Kira seem to be happening in the opposite. Every morning he wakes up and sees her at school and seems to fall that much deeper in the hole. He wonders if he'd been this pathetic the first time around.

(His dad had found out about his crush after Stiles had dropped his phone while it was open to Kira's instagram account. "She looks like a nice girl, Stiles." Is all he said, and still Stiles couldn't help but blush from his head to his toes.)

"So, you're like, really good at lacrosse." He says one day, out of nowhere.

Kira raises her eyebrows, and gives a half nod. "I guess. Why?"

"Well, I just, I mean, you know I'm kind of awful at it, right? Well, I figured maybe since you're so good, you'd like to train me or something?"

She looks shocked, and Stiles realises a little too late that it's a horrible excuse for them to spend time together, because realistically he could've just asked Scott, who's his _best friend_ and also super good at lacrosse.

"Uh, I wouldn't mind, but, wouldn't you rather have Scott do this?"

Stiles tries not to let show how embarrassed he feels.

"He said he was busy. So, you free tonight?"

They break into the school after hours, because Stiles has no space in his back yard for them to practise, and all the equipment was here anyway. Stiles has broken into the school at night for far less innocent reasons, so doesn't really blink an eye when they sneak in through the doors and walk to the locker room. 

Kira, however, has never actually broken into the school like this before, so she's on her toes with excitement and concern at the same time. Stiles kind of thinks it's adorable, and tries not to be too obvious about it.

They practise. And it's mostly a train wreck, on Stiles' part. His stamina is nowhere near good enough for a lacrosse player, and his aim is even worse. Kira is patient though, and guides him through everything with a smile, and Stiles might think it's a little weird given the fact that she hasn't actually been playing lacrosse that long, but doesn't really mind when she grins at him every time he pulls something off successfully.

And then, because Stiles and Kira seem to have the same affinity for clumsiness, at some point while Stiles is trying to imitate that gymnastics jump thing she does, he slips on the slightly damp grass and falls back, somehow taking Kira along with him.

He lands on his back with a small "Oof." and Kira sprawled on top of him. 

She's entirely too close, and from the lack of distance he can smell her perfume. He should've worn his helmet.

"Sorry, I'm a klutz."

He's breathless, and it carries in his voice. He should've just asked her out on a normal date instead.

"It's okay, I am too."

When she speaks, she sounds about as breathless as he is, her cheeks flushed pink, hair spilling out from the ponytail she'd tied it into at the beginning of the night.

Stiles is half convinced this is all just happening in a dream now, when she doesn't actually move to get off him, so he reaches a hand out to tuck a loose strand of her hair behind her ear.

Then she gasps just a little, and he thinks, _fuck._

"This isn't a dream, is it?" He asks, aware that he probably sounds stupid and not at all subtle.

Kira shakes her head, a little confused. "Why? Have you dreamt about this before?"

Stiles sucks in a breath. Thinks again, _fuck._

"Uh."

He's thinking about how he can back pedal, what excuse he can use to try and explain away his very obvious 'i'm crushing on you super hard' behaviour, when she suddenly dips her head down to press her lips against his.

And suddenly they're kissing, his hands on her back, her hands cupping his face, and Stiles knows this is real because none of the kisses in his dreams could ever compare to the actual thing.

"I had a feeling this is what you actually wanted when you asked me to train you."

Kira grins down at him, all cheeky and playful and utterly, breathtakingly beautiful.

"Would've been nice if you'd figured this out a week ago and asked me out first to save me the embarrassment." He grumbles, though smiling from ear to ear as he does so.

"Would you like to go on a date with me?" She asks, eyes shining, lips curling into a smirk.

(He's never been grateful for the nogitsune before, but he thinks this might _almost_ make up for every shitty thing he'd been put through.)

Stiles kisses his yes into her mouth.


End file.
